A man gains identity of some sort only if he is put in comparison to someone else...if he is the only one existing then there is no identity to it...the so called 'he' in that case will be called existence itself! but when there are few more then each one of them gains a specific identity...
where there is identity there is integrity and where there is integrity there is division and defense of that identity...where there is identification there is isolation...there is an immediate separation that distinguishes you from all others...and then all the things like defense,respect,low,high and all other divisions and discrimination's occur...when a single thing is cut into two halves...and kept on the same table they immediately gain their own identity and separate existence....and slowly the identification grows into becoming better than the other and moving ahead of other...and then identification becomes idolization and idealization.
and then there is competition...there is pulling and pushing...there is friction...
And still there is an urge to give and an urge to take...there is a desire to sustain oneself...there is a desire to satisfy oneself...and then there is a search for someone who can give you all that...firstly u dnt find one like that...and when u find...u want that...if u get it,it becomes love and it becomes sacred...if u dnt, it becomes a pain and coses disheartening and all that...having it doesn't end it all...it gives birth to new insecurities...the fear of losing it...the fear of not being able to maintain it...the fear of not satisfying the other...the fear that other will not do the same things towards you and so on...
the obtained love is the so called sacred love and the true love and all that...but the one that is not obtained...that which could not be attained...becomes an infatuation,a crush,a fling or sometimes simply non-sense...the so called true love then starts struggling for approval...from family from friends from each other and so on...why will and why should a true love be approved by someone...the answer often is that we also love our family and friends...their opinion matters to us...if that is true love in all the above cases then why will one love oppose another...why should one love approve another? why should LOVE have a name to justify its existence? why should there be a strong bond of marriage to keep them tied together? if the love is true then what is the need of trying to ensure,that two people always stay together and don't pull away..?
and the answer is always a no...there is no need of any of these things...but still one tries to find out the above answers...it can only mean two things...one his/her love is not true...or he is totally unaware about what love is...
and in both the cases the man is sure to be divided and bound by other relations...sometimes external sometimes internal...sometimes his family binds him down...and sometimes his own beliefs and thought systems tie him down...
A relation that negates another...can it claim to be a true love itself? how is love love if it is binding you to itself...trying not permit you to go to someone else? one may say how will you ensure security in relationships in that case? answer is equally natural and simple...if the relationship and the feeling is true then there is no need of a law...it will spontaneously and naturally be in an unbroken harmony...because truest love makes two people one system..that works cohesively and instantly in correlation with one another...if the relation is not true on the other hand it is bound to break away...whether you try to tie it down or try to make it inevitable...either his/her body will be gone or his mind will be gone...and in both the cases his love will no more remain love to you...
one may ask should a man do nothing in order to maintain his/her love? the answer again is a no...because
There is always a meek(psychologically) and powerful struggle to make a relationship translate into love and then translating both of them together into a NAME...sometimes brotherhood,friendship or marriage etc...there is always a necessity to ensure that exact position and place of that relationship...the true love is never uncertain about itself...rather it is neither certain nor uncertain...true LOVE knows only one thing that is being TRUE LOVE...and that is all...when instead it is suppressed and purged to make it go through certain process of valuation,validation and justification it withers away in its beauty...what remains behind is merely a skeleton of rules!
The beauty of love or relationships is sure to fall once it is guided to go only in a certain way...to ask love to justify itself is like asking sun to explain the source of its shining! LOVE is that tremendous force which can connect you even to GOD...and where are we asking it to fit into some silly rules and conventions...
Love is always translated to be only between a man and a woman...but thats not true...love is an element in itself...and it is expansive enough to undertake all types of relationships under its wings....no relationship can sustain itself without love...and if love means to fight,to make,to break up,to divorce,to have sex,to have kids etc then love becomes impossible...if love becomes demands,commands,duties,rules,regulations,captivities etc then it will stop existing...because all that limits is opposite to all that is wholesome...and love is ultimately wholesome.A true relationship is the one that is wholesome not the one that is divided by interests,likes,dislikes,necessities,commitments,jealousies,insecurities, competitions and confirmities.
IN short summing it all up..."Where Identities melt away, truer and better relationships begin"
and "when molten identities come together to become 'one whole' they become LOVE..."
Interesting post....
ReplyDeleteFelt like reading extended mind of my own. The initial part of why and how relationship comes into picture was new to me. it was un-thought so far.
But I disagree with....
"if u get it,it becomes love and it becomes sacred...if u dnt, it becomes a pain and coses disheartening and all that"
Sacredness has got nothing to do with sense of "getting" it. When love is true, its intensity and purity remains unchanged no matter what its future. Even if it does not reach ultimate unison it is no less sacred than divinity. It still gives same blissful experience to those in love, even if they may have to remain apart.
The pain of such love is one such expression. A lover always finds such pain to have a sweetness of its own....blessedness of its own.
as you said people bonded in love are one system and function like one system. Their thoughts and actions are always complimentary even if blinded temporarily by earthly distance. How could such love be treated like non-sense or infatuation?!
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secondly you wrote,
"why should LOVE have a name to justify its existence? why should there be a strong bond of marriage to keep them tied together?"
And I agree that love does not need a name to justify its existence. As exists on its own! It is us who need a name to every relation to be able to express that love in some socially acceptable way. you see, you cannot go kissing out every person you love. why not?! You love them don't you?! It will not be sane and appropriate to do so.
In case of man-woman love,such social implications become a lot more sensitive. it needs to be conformed with a marriage. It is not marriage that holds them together. If that were true there would have not been any divorces. It is love that holds together a marriage. Being married is a state of being that allows, enables and helps complete union of man and woman on all material, physical as well as subtle levels of being. Love ultimately wants a union of such kind.
In normal social conditions,would a random man and woman be allowed to express and live their love and take it further to such union without a matrimonial bond?! And if it were allowed, would it be good for the society in general? No. That is why people need a marriage, to complete and compliment one another, without causing a mayhem.
If love is true, married or not, it will always exist, but its expression will vary according to its social implication.
Such true love cannot really tie us down. It may appear to be a binding, but the binding becomes sweet when we accept it as a bond of love. it is always a liberating experience to be in love, once we acknowledge our own choices and take its responsibility.
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"if the relationship and the feeling is true then there is no need of a law" Very true.
And indeed true love is never uncertain of itself. It knows its exact pure nature, no matter how we may try to color it socially. Such love no matter put to what tests does not really lose its purity. It may lose its beauty for the time being when its hurt. But true love is incapable of death, it blossoms again and again, no matter how they chop it down! It may hold scars, but the scars only make it beautiful.... so damn beautiful that nothing else can come closer to it in comparison!!
To love and sustain it through the vast world of justifications and laws is a tight rope walk. a moment of imbalance can hurt it very violently. But if one has faith in the true nature of love, he knows its immortality. No matter what, fire of love always burns once ignited.
all that list of love-killer things that you have given above, demands, commands, duties, rules, regulations, captivities etc. are too superficial, too momentary to affect real love, that resides very deep in heart, untouched by the profanities of ego. In fact, it is true love that can liberate us from our hard-wrought egos. It has immense power to melt away such armors. It can show us the way to "melt our identities" and love can lead us to love.
well i see i need to put down certain things clearly...
ReplyDeletewell first of all the part where i say "if u get it,it becomes love and it becomes sacred...if u dnt, it becomes a pain and coses disheartening and all that"
i mean to say that LOVE in itself is an entity...it is neither sacred nor bad...its we humans who make it either sacred or bad...according our respective likes and dislikes and thinking's...Love always remains as it was...it is beginning less and hence endless as well...if it has a definite beginning and a definite end then it is not love any more...love never comes out of nowhere...it is right inside of us in many different forms...it only gets focused and centered on someone in particular when we say that we are in love with that person...
regarding relations having names...
i am talking about any relation whatsoever...be it between man and woman or between man and man or woman and woman...they are always tied down by some name...and in later stages the identity of relation becomes more important than the relationship itself...so naming it is essential according to the societal structure...but when we center our attention only on that relation it needs to have more of the essence or else there will be no meaning to the identity of it...identity anyways remains only for people to know...what is the truth always remains between both of you...it indeed needs to be a bond of love as you say...
in the last segment you have stated many lovely points...i totally agree...its just that i have put things distinctly...i have tried to explain things love and relationships separately...you have put it together...well said.
all those things are not love killers...actually they are things which prevent love...you cannot have LOVE if you have all of them.to have love and then having them makes no sense...because someone truly in love never realizes of all those things.he flows only with the flow of love.